Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
