yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
