He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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