Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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