I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
