yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
