A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
