You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
