What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im part way to drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
