I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
