Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
