bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm too high and old for this...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
