She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
