We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
