I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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