I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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