I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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