Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
