I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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