Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
