if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
