So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
