oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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