I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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