Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
