Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
