she was so not down for the gang bang
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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