I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
