At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
