I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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