i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
