i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
