Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
