So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
