i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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