if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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