I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
