So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
