I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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