I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
