yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
