That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
