so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
