Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
