Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
