shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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