Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
