I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
