When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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