Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
