my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
