Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
