Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
